Monday, March 1, 2010

"Chollie" is the new "Clana"

“Chollie” is the new “Clana”

Now I know that there are and were A LOT of Clanas out there in the world, but for The Gorgeous Geeks, it’s a dirty word. However, it was not always that way. When Smallville first began and for the first couple of seasons, we were desperate for Clark to get with Lana. From the first time Clark tripped all over himself when he got near her glowing, green necklace, we were sold. I think we started on a downhill spiral once Lana told Clark “I think I should stay away from you” after she agreed to take in paranoid Lex, gave him something to drink that would “calm him,” startled her own horse, and got her leg broken. Then she was with the really dead boyfriend Adam, and then there was the whole witch thing, Jason, Lex, lies, blah, blah, and blah. So we dropped off the loony wagon.

But the thing about Clana is that it was destined to fail. When Lois was introduced to Smallville, she was the beacon on which people familiarized themselves with. Lois and Clark. It’s literally legendary. Lois is the only woman that Superman will literally move Heaven, earth, and the multiverse in order to be with. There were Clana fans who said “Screw the mythology!” But I think they were remembering who Lana used to be in the first few seasons and couldn’t see who she had turned into: a secretive, lying, Clark obsessed, whore. It’s really no different than the comic books.

Now we have this “Chollie” thing. When I first noticed it, I was...well, I was disgusted. But then I started thinking about it from the perspective of a Chloe fan, or what you Chloe fans should think about. Chloe had a fake Jimmy that died before her eyes. She’s been possessed by aliens, witches, parasites, has family history of mental illness, faked a death, and had a demented relationship with Doomsday. She’s had a ridiculous alien intellect and then had to be regular again, which must have felt like “Flowers from Algernon” (though Smallville didn’t really deal with that). Lois took the life she wanted with ease. All of Chloe’s existence revolved around Clark. At first she was in love with him and now she wants to protect him (though that has sometimes been an excuse to act however she wants sometimes). She’s had a cool life, but it’s been very complicated.

My thinking about this Oliver relationship is why? Why bother going through the motions and giving her something that isn’t going to last? Why not give her something meaningful that she can cherish?

I wrote that on a video for a Chloe video and I had nine negatives on the video within a few hours. People were angry, saying that “Smallville is AU” and “screw the mythology” and “Chloe and Oliver are going to be together forever!”

Wake up people! The truth is that this is a fling. Smallville is an AU, but just like Clana fans wished and hoped for something meaningful and long lasting, Chollies will also be disappointed eventually. Oliver ends up with Dinah. They are married and they are great together. Dinah is a character on Smallville. They’ve already dropped hints. They are going to be a couple, even if Smallville doesn’t have enough time to iron out their details.

But since their relationship is already going, we can see that it’s not very sweet or romantic. Oliver is probably still very much in love with Lois and Chloe’s relationship with Jimmy ended for more reasons than Davis stabbing a metal pipe through his chest. They both are lonely. They both have more important things to do than romance so they are secretive and sexual. I’m not surprised. Oliver is a man whore. I’m a little surprised on Chloe’s part, but she’s been shutting herself off to meaningful human ties as she watches the world through computers.

Now, here’s the real reason why I had to compare “Chollie” to “Clana.” In “Conspiracy,” Oliver found out that Chloe had been stealing money from him and making kryptonite weapons, all in the name of the greater good. Chloe’s unrepentant for it and is bothered when Oliver moves weapons that Chloe didn’t technically own since it’s his money, without her knowledge. Lana kept plenty of secrets. When she married Lex, it didn’t take her long to prove that she deserved the name “Luthor.” Clark basically took it all the time because he’s an idiot and was bound to love her, even if she turned into a dinosaur and bit his head off. That’s how blind he was with that girl. Oliver is not Clark and called Chloe out, but I don’t like that Chloe is acting like Lana. Chloe once warned Lana about her behavior and stated that she would be there to protect Clark from her crazy, secretive, obsessive ways. Who is going to call out Chloe correctly for her questionable behavior?

If she keeps up her behavior, she’s not going to have a man or best friend. She’s not as cute as Lana, and Ollie’s probably still thinking about Lois when he bangs her. He’ll just find another girl to get busy with and her relationship with Clark is already rocky.

O.M.G. Chloe might be forced to get her own life. Whatever will she do?

P.S. I’m not technically anti-Chloe. I’m anti-obsess-over-Clark.


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  2. I had thought I knew what true love was. But Chloe has shown me the real meaning. True love is when your ex dies and you can have sex with your new boy toy in the same room he died in without a care in the world. Thank you Chloe.